Over and over I find that acceptance is conditional. It is simple, if I do, be, act attend or serve in one way or another, and do this properly, I can recieve some acceptance. This is difficult, because one must do, be, serve, attend and never show an incling that this action isn't ones most desired and heartfelt adoring action.
One must serve up shit with a smile, take it on ones back with the right happy noises, and bow in submission while wagging ones tail.
This is of course regardless of circumstance.... it doesn't matter if this is required at work, home, with friends, family or partners...or just the world.
It is the rules of engagement.
The rules....
Examining them, I am baffled how other doms manage to exist as self and be served in any way. Devotion seems not to exist in my world, nor in a real one on one personal daily way. It is always conditional. I must do the right things, give more in order to get...a pittance.
So off I go on my flights of fantasy, where I dream of a peaceful live, with people who adore me that I can see, smile at and talk to, a warm house, some fun adventures and an occasional trip to the dungeon for my nice energy vampire fix.... since blood is verboten.
This photo is an illusion, just like me.
This photo is shot in full daylight, but I have captured the illusion of shadow. I suspect I am the illusion of many things as well...
pax
Posts
Hugs Kadeth, you never have to do anything or be anything other than wonderful you that you are in whatever ways you wish to be in my life. I often miss our "chats" but I figure you're out there taking care of your life. I relate to the pressures, I won't play any more in ways I use too I just can't.
ReplyDeleteI strive personally for those who are most important to me for non-conditional acceptance as part of my own devotion regardless of their role in my life. Yet I confess it isn't easy. I am human, prone to grumpiness, hunger, insecurity and serious wallow in my own dark view of the world.
Its weird duality. I accept probably more stuff than I probably should. I accept others limits who are close to me even when it means I often feel hungry, disconnected. I tell myself often what I need and want externally isn't always necessary as much my emotions and brain often convince me nor is the perfection that often seems demanded that I fail daily upon.
I fail often with ideals of how I want to be, I even fail sometimes at my ability to accept even sexless isolating universe of no romance, no connection but ultimately it always comes back to striving to accept what is, even if that what is painful and difficult.
Hugs, Happy New Years. May you know how wonderful you truly every moment of this new year. May enjoy all the wonderful blessings of your here and now for I know you have many. Ability to do wonderous things, make music, art, wonderful things with needles, sharp pointy things, turning death into beauty, wonderful furry, feathered creatures and plants in your beautiful garden and life. Know and believe how blessed and perfect you are because you are.
Dagon Xanith