Pumpkin goes to War

After 4 years, Pumpkin's case will be heard in court.

The people who shot him will deny and dance, but Pumpkin and his dad get their day.

I am not really thrilled with the idea of being called in to testify.

But.... by mid october this long wait will be over.

Funny- I sort of know the judge. She's a client where I work- and although I do not know her personaly, I know her pets.

Wish Pumpkin luck. Wish his dad luck, and ask the cat gods to help him win. It means allot for pumpkin, a bank account for his medical needs, cool stuff like that.

love is not a victory march...

it's a cold and it's a broken hallalujia

I could love. I hear reaching out in secret words the calls of someone near but far.

I could love- what little heart I could sparkle in exchange for the tears in my lap.

Flawed, that love would be as i am a broken hallalujia. Intermittant as a fleeing Kitsuni, fox tail flash through fog, but aways there.

It has always been the spirit that grabs me, the mind that sings to me...

I ask alike things, someone who gets the back and forth of my own self torture- the artist soul spirit heart who falls intencely into elated dispare one day, then is AOK the next day.

Gardens in the night mixed with headphones locking me into my studio to bleed my soul faint.

Someone safe enough to be unsafe with, unsafe enough to be strong with, the black and white yin and yang forever spinning in spiral.

life death love honor...edure

"Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,
The lady of situations.
Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel,
And here is the one-eyed merchant, and this card,
Which is blank, is something he carries on his back,
Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find
The Hanged Man. Fear death by water. "

the wasteland yes, but also the prayre for the final hour, when the keys slip into the nuclear detonation device that triggers the blast that ends all...in "Swan Song"

I am dead.

I choose to maintain this distant numbness, I choose to keep myself locked away from that which is unsafe to even say out loud.

I live in a house of pain, fear and time going by like poisoned honey.

It is my choice. It is my fault. However you choose to look at it. Either way and word, choice and fault- it is no one but mines responsibility for where I am and what I have become.

Let us cage DarkStar. Let us beat him to death with words and rules of a world he does not belong in, and will never understand.

I endure.

Beneath the skin lies limp tendons electrified and hungry for the steel strings, the ice and black keys, the snarl of voice in the microphone a million times million heartbeats ecchoing away.

I can't breath sometimes.
I make a crappy slave, but there you are, that is what I seem to be becoming- a slave. I serve. I run to attend. I bow and appologise for each flaw like a well trained geisha in fear of exececution.

Yes, it's a lie. It's the outside face. The mask, the sheild required.

I must be quite an embarassment. Never getting 'it' right- whatever it is today, never doing the dutiful and delightedly over attached girly friend just so...


Wings unfurl. I shake my hair out. I have many secrets- just because there is no room to share them, no room to delight in my creations, my thinking, my songs to myself...

In my head, a world lives. It's not hard to put it down on paper. It's not hard to sing it, live it, feel it... draw it. As long as I do it alone and hide it, so that it causes no

upset

conflict

shock

I can tell, I am stretching in this emotional graveyard. The earth rumbles. My eyes open and I watch.

Interesting links....

I can not hope that these links really work, I have little hope for anything once the sun come sup and people wake up- I hear their brains rattle and their BS on the internations intuative telepathic airwaves.... (maybe that's why zombies eat brains, to shut up people-head-speak)

But there are a couple links out in the world for raising money for projects. No shit...

For vet bills (working on one for Pumpkin) for art projects, creative ventures and so on.

Here are the two I know about.

fundable.com

this one you must post an amount and if your donations do not reach the goal, they refund the donated money to the donors. grumble...

chipin.com

is similar, but it does not refund money- if you raise it you get it.

Both use facebook and other links to help put the word out there. From animal rescue people, I here these things work, but of course you must pu them out there- email everyone in your friend list and ask them to pass it allong and all that, so it comes to valueing oneself... and risking that friends value you too...

And now, with no further adue I return to sulking, being depressed and finding my way to that tragic space where the flames of creativity burn bright...